


Down and Tired

by luvsanime02



Series: Whumptober 2018 [10]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, Identity Issues, Introspection, Whump, Whumptober 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-10
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16252832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvsanime02/pseuds/luvsanime02
Summary: Bruce is so tired, but that's always much better than being angry.





	Down and Tired

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the October 10th Whumptober prompt: bruises.

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Marvel comics or characters or movies, and am making no money off of this fic.

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**Down and Tired** by luvsanime02

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Bruce Banner never feels the bruises until much, much later.

All that he feels is the anger. Always, always, there’s the anger. Deep inside of him, sleeping and waiting for Bruce to lose control just a little bit. Just one slip, and then he’s gone, he’s disappeared, and it’s like Bruce doesn’t even exist anymore. Like he’s never existed, and will never exist again.

Bruce is probably being melodramatic about everything, but then again, most people don’t turn into a literal monster when they’re having a bad day. Bruce punches and kicks and screams and fights, and yes, sometimes he’s in enough control to know where he is and who is next to him, to aim himself at the enemy and not at his friends.

Sometimes.

Bruce still can’t ever really tell who he is during those times, though. He doesn’t think that anyone else has caught on, thankfully. That Bruce isn’t learning control over the monster so much as teaching the monster what it needs to know in order not to hurt anyone that Bruce cares about or is working with at the time.

Yes, he’s a monster inside. Bruce knows this. Knows that his transformation is far more than just an outward manifestation of his anger. That the Hulk is the appearance of the creeping descent into madness that he’s been fighting his whole life. He hates that he always loses control, but Bruce can never help himself. How can he really, truly fight himself? Always? 

Everyone gets tired, and everyone has bad days, and Bruce’s bad days just so happen to be very easy to spot. So, yes, Bruce loses control over himself. He disappears inside of himself and can’t remember his own name, and that is terrifying. Then, later, when he does finally come back to himself again, when he finally remembers who he is again, Bruce looks at all of the damage that he’s done with something like despair and something like resignation, and he’s not sure which reaction is worse.

Bruce looks at his body afterwards in the shower, and sees a mosaic of bruises all over himself, and doesn’t really remember where any of them have come from. He’s bruised inside and out, from his soul to his body to his brain, and he’s just so tired of waking up and having to deal with the consequences of the monster that lives inside of him.

Being tired is better, though. Bruce never loses control over his sense of self when he’s this tired.

Bruce lets himself be tired quite often, now.


End file.
